Who are you? I've been spending a lot of time with my mirror, and lately, a lot with my shadow asking this very question. I found myself running down this list of things that I identify with, you know... black, male, 30's, so on and so forth. The funny thing is when I finished writing the list of things that I identified with, it actually told me nothing about who I am. It gave very little insight to what kind of person I am, and more so spoke to how I feel I'm perceived. As I began to sit with and lean into that concept, peeling it back layer by layer, the search for who I am released me from the chains of who I thought I was and used to be. My identity was so deeply rooted in these things that didn't define or benefit me. These labels kept me small, contained, controlled by the pressures and pain that came with it. My story is what happened, but it's not who I am. The limiting beliefs that I held because I thought my story had more power than I did, so I let my ego take control.

"Keep me safe" I said...I let my ego tell me how to navigate the outside. I thought he wanted what was best for me, especially since we lived in the same body. I thought I was he and he was I, but I was wrong. For years I was just acting out of fear personified. Fears that weren't really mine although they only existed in the mind. The pain and trauma left un checked, the patterns that needed breaking. My ego taught me that my story is a tool to help me out grow who I was and begin anew. "Who are you?" The question that still echos in my mind. The beautiful thing about the answer is I get to decide. I still get to choose who I want to be, in spite of the triggers. Even when I slip or I fall, I can take accountability and decide to better the man in the mirror. Truth, honesty, and acceptance. The truth is I accept my ego as a part of me, but honestly he's not who I am. The day I accepted my shadow self is when I realized who I could be.

BALANCE

My momma's momma said you have to take the good with the bad

You've got to pay the cost to be the boss

And sometimes

It's nothing but $5.99 in a thousand dollar bag

What I thought was a lesson in duality was really a lesson in acceptance

We're nothing more than walking contronyms

To deny half of my existence is to poison my presence

Even if I hold fast to what I have it'll still be gone as fast as I get it

But I get it,

Sometimes... acceptance is letting go

What feels bad in the moment could be good for the soul, and what looks good in the moment might be bad for the road

But when you know you know

The unspoken truth quieted by the lies of denial and rejection

The mirror doesn't highlight the imperfections, it just shows a reflection

Neglecting the good because I'm hyper focused on the flaws, unplugged from the power of self, because I'm not who you are

Acceptance was I coexist beside you and not in spite of you

Acceptance was... it's not my fault but my responsibility

The pieces of the puzzle brought me peace

The good and the bad gave me balance

I was both the student and the teacher, the slave and the master

Mondays of sorrow, and Tuesdays of laughter,

Wednesdays and Thursdays of whatever came after

Acceptance was duality understood

My momma's momma said you've got to take the bad with the good